


Dedicate Your Heart

by Essentially_Me



Series: Dedicate Your Heart [1]
Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Angst, Canon-Typical Violence, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Heavy Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-06
Updated: 2021-02-18
Packaged: 2021-03-17 23:22:07
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,182
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29233716
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Essentially_Me/pseuds/Essentially_Me
Summary: Ida Pierce’s heart had been dedicated to the cause of the Survey Corps for more than six years. Joining in the academy, she had vowed to follow Erwin Smith anywhere. Where he would go, she would follow. Ida had never questioned her motives, allowing only one goal reign in her mind: Do what it takes to protect humanity. However, the 22nd expedition - resulting in an unpredictable failure - is now making the young woman doubt her role within the Corps. Her squad eliminated, three new mysterious recruits - Ida must find a new spark to propel her forward and reinforce her dedication to her country and her found family.
Relationships: Erwin Smith & Original Female Character(s), Erwin Smith/Original Female Character(s), Erwin Smith/Reader, Hange Zoë/Original Female Character(s), Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin)/Reader, Levi Ackerman & Original Female Character(s), Levi Ackerman/Original Female Character(s)
Series: Dedicate Your Heart [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2149968
Comments: 4
Kudos: 12





	1. Spilled Blood

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first piece of fiction dealing with the AOT fandom! I would like to preface that this is all fiction, and while this will be diverging from the canon story line, it will still carry a lot of the same themes. For this reason it is labeled as "Mature" and tags have been applied accordingly. If there is anything that should be tagged please let me know in the comments!

In retrospect, Erwin should have known better than to have expected much from the 22nd expedition. For months it seemed as though sending a recon unit to scope out the next expedition’s path was futile. By the time the special operation soldiers returned – the ones who made it back, rather – the area they covered could be swarmed with titans the next day, hour, minute, or second. The bastards just never stopped, always on the move and never satisfied with the number of soldiers they managed to mangle and bones they crushed between their teeth. In the case of today, what terrain had originally been reported as clear had been all but swarmed with the waiting jaws of titans left and right. Red flares had gone up, smoke filling the expanse of land stretching on for miles as a retreat was called. Erwin had seen countless soldier’s eyes dart from side-to-side, watching as their comrades were picked off in the chaos. Out of the carnage and masses of bodies, there was one silver lining: a new route had been discovered just outside of Wall Maria, allowing easier transport of food and other supplies to the smaller districts.

Another step forward for humanity, but at what cost?

The grime faces of the remaining members of the Survey Corps apart of the expedition greeted Erwin as he advanced in the pack. Blood was crusted along his cloak, no doubt belonging to one of the new cadets from the Left Wing – sadly, the name of the cadet couldn’t come to mind. It may have been Thomas or Zachery. Each one of them were dead, so did it matter whose blood was where? Erwin kept his gaze trained forward, hard eyes scanning the crowd for any familiar faces. He knew that Mike was somewhere in the mix, possibly Hange too if his memory was correct, yet all the other faces around him blended together in one big mess. Surely, she made it? Surely, she didn’t—

“Commander Smith,” a voice called from behind him.

Jerking the reigns of his stop to allow a quick stop, Erwin turned and met the eyes of a woman. Brown hair tugged into a knot, face dotted with flecks of red and sweat beading down her forehead, Erwin could only produce a relieved sigh from his lips. “Squad Leader Pierce,” Erwin approaches. “The Right Wing, what is your status?”

“Some of us made it back in one piece,” the woman supplied, eyes shifting to the blood on the Commander’s cloak and his haggard expression. “But I’m afraid we suffered similar loses to the Left. We crossed the paths of an abnormal - damn thing ended up getting away. We’ve estimated a two-thirds loss, but I can give a more detailed report once we’re settled in HQ.” Erwin just nods. They should all be desensitized to death, they’ve been surrounded by it for years. Hearing soldiers dying was nothing new, but the expedition had gone horribly wrong – worse than what was initially calculated. Ida straightens up on her own horse, drawing her cloak closer to her body.

“I’m… I’m sorry about the Left, Commander. If we could’ve taken down that abnormal, it was possible that we could have back tracked to one of the earlier checkpoints and gave you all a bit more cover,” the woman grits out from her teeth. “It was my mistake. I take full responsibility for the outcome of this expedition, as one of the commanding officers in control of the charge.”

“Enough of that, Ida,” Erwin insists. The commander dismounts his horse as others passed the pair exchanging words, landing on the ground and approaching his comrade with heavy steps. Offering a hand, Erwin eases Ida off her horses back, tucking his hands under her arms and keeping her upright so she can ground herself. Hands shaking, eyes a bit distant – Erwin has seen this before. Hange had done extensive research on the mental endurance of soldiers returning from outside the walls, explaining the effects expeditions could have on the body. After one as bloody and horrific as this, Erwin isn’t surprised as shock seemed to take hold of the squad leader’s body. “Today’s miscalculation was happenstance. The wrath of the titans can never and possibly will never be fully understood, so to place that amount of guilt on yourself is inconceivable. I assure you that your efforts were not in vain, and that the deaths of those around us will mean an advancement for humanity in due time.”

“Don’t start lecturing me about guilt, Erwin,” Ida responds, a gentle warmth in her eyes directed to the tall man before her. “We all know how you can be from time to time.” Erwin chooses to ignore her comments, instead choosing to scan Ida’s figure for any noticeable injuries. He knows she’s more than capable of taking care of herself, proving her contributions to mankind would equate to a better future during her examination all those years ago. She had been ready to dedicate her life to the cause since that first day in the academy. This being said, no one was safe from the horrors of the outside world, no matter their passion and drive.

A chorus of cries sounded to the pair’s left, Erwin’s eyes training on a younger group of cadets. One of them covered their mouths in disgust, the other two staring off into the expanse of space in front of them as the carts were pulled in. Bodies – the ones that they managed to retrieve – were stacked off in rows of three or four and two or three high. The heavy smell of iron seeped into the air once again (or had it even left?), the smell so pungent that Erwin began to taste it on his tongue. He didn’t want to think of the people he once knew somewhere in the masses of bodies, disfigured and unrecognizable to his eyes. Was this really living? Going out each day, wandering into an inevitable death? Surely, this wasn’t what living was supposed to be. Leading bright-eyed children – that’s who these cadets were, only _children_ – to an early grave. Sometimes it made Erwin sick, then he remembered he didn’t have a right to be.

“William’s the only one of mine who made it out.” Erwin cuts his gaze back to Ida. Her eyes had that look to them again, lost and looking for something.

“Noah and Oliver had taken the rear of the formation – they were cornered during the retreat. Sophia tried to take down the 8-meter tailing our asses, but then a horde just came out of nowhere. It was like, like they were waiting for an opening, like they knew we were coming. William was grabbed, but I was able to pull him free, thank god. I wish I could’ve done more. Sophia, and the others… they were so young, Erwin. So damn young…”

A silence settled in the air between them. Unsettling and cruel was this world, Erwin concluded, to take away the souls of these kids. But who was really at fault? He had insisted for this expedition to be in place, ignoring Ida’s concerns and the words of doubt from his fellow subordinates. Who was Erwin to play God? Who was he to be the judge of human life as he led these soldiers to their deaths? Erwin wasn’t in the place to offer condolences and sympathies, surely not when he was in some way responsible for the blood that has since stained his hands. The commander tightens his grip on Ida’s shoulders, a silent, unspoken apology – for her squad, the left wing, for everything. Ida brings her hands up to intertwine with Erwin’s, the warmth of her flesh comforting in an odd sort of way.

“I’ve known you long enough to know what’s going on in that big head of yours, Smith,” Ida chastises, moving one of her hands to lightly cup the side of her companion’s face. Her fingers lightly graze a cut above Erwin’s brow, dancing across his skin and causing a shuddering breath of relief to be released from his lips. “You are our commander. I trust you, okay? If you told these reckless sons of bitches to charge to their death, they’d give their lives to the cause in a heartbeat. You can’t always know the outcomes of these things, no one can, but with you… you know I’d follow you to Hell if you asked me.” Erwin shakes his head. Ridiculous. Her words were ridiculous, no matter how many promises they made and words of encouragement, her never understood why she followed him.

“Believe what you want,” Ida retracts her hands, pulling them back to her side while clutching the reigns to her horse. She snaps her head back, gazing at the faces of passing bodies and looking back again at Erwin. “I’m going to see about getting William to the infirmary myself. We can talk over tea later, once the cadets get settled in.” Erwin watches as she strides away, not bothering to respond and instead advancing forward, eyes trained ahead and hands clutched in fists to hide the shake overcoming his limbs. It would go away. He’d be numb again soon.

As she weaved throughout the staggering soldiers filtering onto HQ grounds, Ida scanned the faces of her comrades, struggling to make out where William could be. Multiple wagons were drawn following the herd, groans of the injured and dying filled the air, sounds of coughing and sobbing mixed in. Such were the sounds of war – whatever war you would like to think of this as. After her first expedition, Ida had to come to the grime realization that a war against titans was more akin to having a death wish. Every second outside of the protection of the walls was a second too long; the unforgiving forces of the beasts that roamed the plains seemed too great a challenge. Joining as a scout alongside Erwin all those years ago was a choice she did not regret, even as she had watched her friends torn apart before her very eyes and failed to protect those closest to her.

Finally catching up to the wagons, a mop of sandy blonde hair was spotted, belonging to a hunched figure clutching their shoulder. William was gasping for breath, cradling the injury gingerly as a medic hastily applied bandages to stop the bleeding. That damn titan had gotten him good, had grabbed him and grazed his flesh with its gnarly teeth before Ida had managed to get to him. She remembers the tears in his eyes, haunted and cloudy – the look of a dead man was the only way to describe it. Had she not had been there, Ida figured he’d be just another rotting corpse on those wagons. He had given up after Noah and Oliver fell, had tried to save Sophia and failed.

William lifted his head as Ida moved closer to the wagon, a sob of relief released from his lips as he saw her. After Ida managed to get him to safety, she had quickly departed once more to aid the remainder of the wing; poor kid probably thought she was dead. “Squad leader, I’m… I’m so sorry. I tried… I tried…” William stutters out, unable to control his breathing while coughing and sputtering between words. Ida doesn’t say anything. She lifts herself up on the side of the still-moving vehicle, minding the slumped figures propped up on the sides. She’s pretty sure a couple of them had already bled out, but the only thing on her mind was making sure William was stable. His head falls to her offered shoulder once she manages to slip in beside of him, layers of mud caked into the wood soiling her uniform while trying to make herself comfortable. He cries while the medic tends to his wounds, fat, ugly tears and choked off gasps. Ida’s heart aches for him. William’s first expedition ended with his friends mauled and bodies unrecognizable. Ida would have to ask Hange to do a mental evaluation at some point, the boy obviously going to be suffering with survivor’s guilt the following weeks. “No apologies, cadet. If it’s anyone that should be held responsible, it’s myself. We need to get you to the infirmary,” Ida nods toward the medic. “I can take it from here, thank you.” The medic reciprocates the gesture before calling orders to a few of the others hurrying about.

It’s not long before the wagon halts just inside the arching gateways of HQ, the Wings of Freedom crest flying high above the camp grounds. The flag is battered and worn. Ida almost laughs at the irony of it all. She directs William to use her body as leverage as she guides his form to a standing position, lifting his uninjured shoulder up over hers and walking slowly toward the med bay. Mike is stationed at the entrance already, a few cuts and bruises scattered along his skin while barking orders. “Get him on the table, Moblit! I need some bandages too- oh, Ida!!” Mike catches sight of the squad leader and bounds over, taking in the situation while assessing William’s condition. “Fuck, are you okay? You got separated from the rest of the wing – I wasn’t sure if that abnormal was going to give you more trouble or not. Noah? Oliver? Sophia?” Ida remained silent. Mike drops his head and hums, choosing not to speak after that. There’d be time to extend condolences and words of comfort once business was taken care of. “You can bring him in here, just be easy with him. That wound needs to be looked at,” Mike insists. As Ida goes to pull William inside, a voice cuts through the mild chaos having formed with their arrival.

“Tch, sorry bastards. All you lot are doing is riding to your deaths – damn Survey Corps is a sorry joke,” a man’s voice hisses to Ida and William’s right. Whipping her head towards the source, Ida catches sight of him immediately. His hair is dark like quill ink, eyes grey like steel and a permanent scowl seemingly sketched into his face. His pale skin has a slight sheen, signaling that he’d been engaged in training before being interrupted by the arrival of the expedition team. He’s accompanied by two other cadets that seem just as displeased, though the taller blonde to his left tries to shush his commentary.

“Who the hell you calling sorry, asshole,” William spats. Ida has little time to react as her squad member rips himself away from her side. His body seethes and hands curled themselves up into tight fists. “You’re in the corps, aren’t you? What’re you spouting on about?”

“William, dammit, leave it,” Mike protests.

The shorter male just stares into William’s eyes, Ida noticing his posture is oddly tense despite the indifferent look on his face. A hand lightly grasps the male’s shoulder in earnest belonging to a blonde man – “Levi, this isn’t the time and place for this” – and the male, Levi, shrugs his hand away. “You want to know what I’m on about? I don’t get why you scouts have a god damn fascination with death. You love watching your friends die that much? Cause I know some coward like you won’t be sparing any of your own blood while in the field.” The words are biting, meant to hurt. Ida hears these same jeers from civilians inside the walls all the time. The Scouts are attacked by the words of those who simply don’t understand the horrors of the outside. In this case, the soldier standing before her is one that Ida has seen far too often; he has yet to step a foot outside of the walls. There’s no way he would be saying what he is if he had. Levi’s words settle in the air, Ida keeping a steady eye on William’s rapidly rising and falling frame. Whether or not this man was trying to rile William up she didn’t know, but Ida could see the impact that the older man’s words had on her squad member.

Levi’s own hands began to fold and unfold, shoulders becoming tense almost as if he’s waiting for something. And that something just happens to be William as the lanky boy drives himself forward. Levi easily side-steps William first swing. Already slow because of the large wound on his shoulder, William growls in pain while planting his feet and throwing another punch to Levi’s ribs. It produces the same result, not making contact. Levi’s small stature meant he was fast already – having an injured opponent was a sure victory. Ida lurches herself from her spectating position, a gasp falling into the air as a white-hot pain shoots up her side. Too busy worrying over the last member of her squad and reporting to Erwin, she had ignored the insistent ache in her ribs. Her steps falter and as she struggles to keep upright, clutching at her side and taking in short, stuttering breaths. Mike reaches down and places steadying hands on her arms. William’s attention shifts to his squad leader in the dirt, lowering his arms. “Squad leader! Are you—UGH!”

Levi, taking the opportunity, swipes one of his legs out, causing William to end up splayed out in the ground. The dark-haired man makes quick work of pulling the younger boy’s arms back, a choked off scream escaping his mouth. “William!” Ida grits out. Her hands clutch at Mike’s.

“Let me—ugh, GO ASSHOLE!” William all but screamed at his opponent.

The arms holding him in place didn’t budge. Instead, it appeared as though they tightened a considerable amount. A boot was placed on the delicate neck of her student, and Ida’s eyes widened as it slowly came down to block William’s airway. William chokes and gasps for air as he struggles.

“Stop this! Now!” Ida yells.

The dark-haired man seemed to debate for a moment if he wanted to actively follow the orders being directed his way, grey eyes peeking from the curtain of hair obstructing his vision. Sucking his teeth in annoyance, Levi pushes William to a prone position before adjusting himself and his clothes back to normalcy. His hands pull and tug on his jacket and rub at his sore knuckles as he watches a sputtering William in the dirt. Ida approaches, fixing her posture as she gets closer to the unknown soldier in front of her. Whispers fill the training grounds, cadets all around the commotion immediately drawing themselves to attention upon Ida’s appearance. “The 22nd expedition is back? I didn’t think they’d be back this soon… or with so many of them gone,” a boy mutters to himself. Ida ignores similar remarks and keeps her eyes trained forward.

“State your name and classification,” Ida insists.

“I don’t have to answer to anyone except that bushy browed bastard who you call Commander. I don’t owe you a damn thing,” he hisses.

“That’s no way to talk to a commanding officer!” Another male voice shouts.

Flagon appears, elbowing his way through the crowd that had gathered to watch the commotion. He marches up to the shorter male, getting in his face and gritting his teeth. “I already told you and your good-for-nothing friends to keep your noses out of trouble and what do you shits go and do? I don’t know what Erwin sees in you three, but I sure as hell can’t see it.” Flagon grabs William by the collar of his shirt, pulling him up and handing him off to Ida. “And your insubordinate behavior will be reported back to the Commander this evening.” The blonde male to Levi’s left threw his hands up, a red-haired girl also showing her disapproval with loud whines following Flagon’s threats.

“Leviiii I don’t wanna be in that guy’s office again! Furlan and I didn’t even do anything wrong,” she pouts.

“Forget it Isabel,” Furlan growls. The blonde-haired man looks up tentatively. “I apologize for Levi’s… unusual behavior, squad leader. I assure you this won’t happen again—”

“I’m afraid your empty apologies will have to be answered directly by Commander Smith,” Ida sneers. Still holding tightly to her side, she positions herself on the opposite side of Flagon in order to help distribute William’s weight between the two. “I’m sure he’ll be happy to get paid a visit after the expedition.” Just who were these cadets? And why did Ida have a feeling this Levi character was getting exactly what he wanted?


	2. Hope

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone! Chapter 2 was a little delayed - my apologies! I am in school full-time and working part-time and I can't promise a consistent posting schedule. However, I can say that I will more than likely have a bi-weekly chapter release if possible. With everything going on in my life currently this is probably the likely scenario. I would also like to say again that this is rated "Mature" for a reason. While this does stray from the canon story line, this does not mean that themes from the original AOT universe will change. I tagged this accordingly, but if I need to add any additional tags I will! I will also add tags as the story progresses if I feel like this would be appropriate. Thank you so much for reading and I hope you enjoy!

“I still can’t believe you, Levi! The least you could’ve done is given us a warning before you pulled this shit,” Furlan grumbles. The trio had been excused from training to instead be placed on cleaning duty, Flagon making it clear that they were to, “scrub the hell out of the dorms to the point where you’d eat your meals from the floorboards.” Levi had sucked his teeth, kept his composure and refused to react to the squad captain’s jibes, however irritating they may have been. This all being after they had been escorted to Smith’s quarters, the man wearing a smug look on his face as he had observed them. His words went in one ear and out another to Levi. All the meeting managed to do was give the dark-haired man the opportunity to scope out the layout of the room. Flagon sent them away, by the commander’s request, and then they grabbed supplies, which is how Levi, Furlan and Isabel were now making their last round through the barracks and by the commander’s office.

“We’ve been in worse situations, must I remind you, Furlan?” Levi questions. It’s true – the Underground spared no one. The odd jobs that Levi would pick up even before he met the blonde male had been anything but pleasant. Levi was no stranger to taking whatever means necessary in order to survive, even less so once Furlan and Isabel were in the picture. It was kill or be killed according to the unspoken laws of the Underground – you stole, you swindled, you threatened. Before, Levi may not have taken Lovof’s bait. The job itself was risky, getting so close to a high-ranking officer that was Erwin Smith, and the empty promises of citizenship above ground was nothing more than a pipedream. With all this being said, Levi cuts his eyes to look at his companions. Isabel’s pouting, muttering under her breath and Furlan’s face has dissolved into an expression of indifference as they walk through the dimly lit hallways of the barracks. He takes in the youthfulness of Isabel’s face, her delicate hands and small frame; he takes notice of Furlan’s calm demeanor and self-control. Levi hadn’t been interested in making a move toward Lovof’s mission so soon. Truthfully, he may have acted a bit impatiently, but the sooner they acted the sooner Levi could ensure Furlan and Isabel’s citizenship was produced. To hell with the Survey Corps; he had to make sure these two made it out. Levi would do whatever it takes to keep them safe.

Levi suddenly stops. Furlan stops immediately after him, Isabel too busy keeping her eyes diverted to the ground to notice, running into Furlan’s back. Her head peeks out from the blonde male’s shoulder, bright eyes directed at Levi. “We could do it tonight, when we get to his office and he expects to scold the fuck out of us,” Levi growls. He spins around to face the two. “Furlan and I can easily take Smith out while Isabel draws attention away from his quarters. The bastard is probably expecting us to cower like dogs at his feet. This could be the best option we have in order to get this job over and done with.”

“And after we corner him, what do we do? Levi, we’ll have to run back to that shit hole we drug ourselves out of. We may have a job, but Lovof and his gang can’t possibly get up here, let alone get to us while we’re in Survey Corps HQ—”

“What’re you getting at Furlan?” Isabel glances uneasily between the two men.

“I’m just saying that this is a fresh start – no more relying on others, no more hiding and running. If we even succeed, Lovof won’t grant us citizenship right away. He’d be stupid to. After that stunt you pulled earlier today, anyone could probably tell who we are. We’ll be wanted for more than just petty crime, Levi – all three of us will have had connections to the murder of a high-ranking military officer. All we could possibly do is run back to the Underground, lay low and hope to God them scouts don’t come back for our heads.”

A beat of silence settles in the air. Furlan runs a shaking hand through his hair and kicks his feet against the stone beneath their feet. Levi clenches his fists. He knows everything his friend has said is true – even if they managed to pull off the murder and by some miracle get away, they’d be sitting ducks in the Underground once more. No doubt the reckless sons of bitches called the scouts would pursue the three of them and kill if necessary. They’d more than likely be executed by Military Police upon their capture, above ground in the Capitol Square for everyone to see their pitiful faces, or maybe they’d finish the job down below and leave their bodies to rot in the streets. Either way they’d be dead, and it seems like no matter what the dark-haired man did, with every turn they make in the present death is the only common factor.

“Big bro,” Isabel starts. Her eyes are determined.

“Furlan and I, we… We’d follow you anywhere! You do so much for us, even saved me from becoming just another victim to those thugs back when I first met you both. Even if our chances are slim, if you think this is our best option, we can do it. We’ll make it out, just like we always do.”

“You don’t know that Isabel,” Levi protests. His breaths are labored and stutter from his chest into the cold air of the barracks. “We don’t know shit! This is all I know – killing and thieving and living in the damn dark. I have to get you two to the surface. I have to—”

“And we will,” Furlan jumps in. He returns to his original spot by Levi’s side, hands reaching out and settling on his shoulders. “We’ll get out of this, just like Izzy said. But we’ll do it together. All or nothing; all of us go one way or another. So, if you feel like this is the best outcome, we’ll go through with the plan.” Levi can’t look at the blonde, keeping his eyes closed. Air is caught in his throat, and for the first time Levi doesn’t know what to do. He’s sure that this was simply just a suicide mission – the three of them weren’t meant to get out of this alive, only expected to finish the job with the threat of Lovof over their heads; this now combined with Erwin Smith’s own influence. A job like this wasn’t easy to pull off by any means. But now with both Isabel and Furlan on board, it could be possible. Levi cuts his eyes up, nods, then retrieves a small knife that he kept on his person; damned scout at training didn’t even realize he was missing a knife.

The three quickly made their way down the barren hallways. Curfew was set in place close to an hour ago, Levi surprised they hadn’t been found and told to return to their respective cabins for the night, but this made their job a little easier. Less witnesses meant less blood, and maybe Levi would feel better with only one life being taken tonight. Shadows bounced from the walls and the stone beneath their feet shifted from the weight. Turning a corner, Levi took notice of a familiar corridor just to their right; it had to be the commander’s office. Furlan drew his own blade from his belt, the two men exchanged looks before Levi began to reach for the door’s handle. “I hope I’m not interrupting anything,” a feminine voice remarks from down the hall. Levi’s head whips to the side and notices a familiar physique from earlier at the training grounds. The woman’s hair isn’t pulled up this time, instead falling into loose, unruly curls framing her round face. She’s average height, Levi supposes for a woman, shoulders pulled back and eyes glaring from what he could see in the dark.

Her steps are confident, never faltering despite the fact that Levi knows she’s injured. If they were fast, it was possible that one of them could gag her before she called for help. Swipe her legs out from under her, land a quick, solid kick to her ribs and have her on her ass within seconds. All three of them against one; a fair fight, one way or another. “I believe we met earlier. My name is Ida Pierce, but you may address me as Squad Leader Pierce.” Furlan slips his knife back into the holster in his belt, a soft smile adorning his face in greeting the woman before them. His hands shake from where Levi can see, though his face shows little discomfort. “Ah, yes! Squad Leader, we were just getting ready to personally apologize to the Commander for our conduct earlier today. Was there a problem with that?”

“Not at all, I was just getting ready to join him for tea. Mike, Flagon and I were just returning from a meeting – I’m due to report my experiences from the expedition,” Ida explains. From behind her, the taller figures of men can be seen. Levi’s eyes narrowed and cut themselves into the woman’s skin. Of course, this shit would happen. “You can put away your knives too. I’m afraid the Commander will be occupied tonight, paying him a visit is out of the question. Flagon and Mike will escort you and Levi back to your quarters, if this works with you, Furlan?”

“Oh, ma’am, yes… we didn’t mean—”

“Hange is just finishing her report now, she can escort Isabel back to the female barracks.”

Right as the words left Ida’s mouth, a lanky brunette flung open the door of Erwin’s office and almost stumbled into the two men pressed near the door. “Ahh ahh!! Sorry sorry, didn’t see you there, short stack! What’re you three doing out this late? And Ida!!! What did I say about straining yourself with that bandage?” The woman questions. She bounds over to the Squad Leader and begins to poke at her side, moving her clothes about to (what Levi assumes) check her dressings. “I’m fine Hange, though I will need you to take Isabel back to her room If you may. There seems to have been some, miscommunication, somewhere.”

Levi can only watch as Ida continues her approach, coming forward to stand in front of Levi as Mike and Flagon both grab hold of himself and Furlan. He grunts with the impact of Mike’s hands on his shoulders, squeezing at his muscles and beginning to turn him toward the men’s barracks. He catches the eyes of the squad leader, her expression schooled into one of calm, but a glint of something shines within her eyes. “I’ll be seeing you, Levi.”

“Ahh, Ida. Are you finally here to enjoy the tea you promised me this evening?”

Two steaming cups were settled in the middle of Erwin’s desk. The commander’s study was lit by candle light, a soft orange glow casting itself throughout the small space. Ida searched Erwin’s features, finding that his expression is neutral. “You’re awfully content for someone being the target of an assassination attempt,” Ida responds. The expedition and its aftermath were starting to settle within HQ as the night progressed, and Ida could sense Erwin’s own resolve was wearing thin. He never let his guard down like this. “There was no way you didn’t have your suspicions, so why are you letting those cadets walk freely among us? Trying to take some type of moral high-ground? Change their ways and have them devote their hearts to humanity? Humanity failed them a long time ago.” Erwin ignores her comments. He rises from his desk and Ida can see that he’s changed since the expedition into casual clothes, a gray undershirt and dark pants; the ODM gear straps still tangle and intertwine themselves along the slopes of his shoulders and thighs. He kept his gear straps on and his blades not too far away, just at his desk. Was he as unprepared as Ida thought? Erwin picks up the two teacups with care before approaching Ida.

“How is your side?” Erwin asks softly, handing over the warm beverage to smaller hands. “Mike had come by, said you’d collapsed while trying to deescalate the situation between William and Levi.”

“Collapsed is a strong word,” Ida replies. Her hands wrapped around the cup in her hands as a source of warmth. “Nothing that a trip to the medic couldn’t fix.” Beneath her clothes were several layers of bandages to help support her ribs. Hange herself had taken a look after most of the soldiers were taken care of, insisting that Ida let her check for any injuries. While no ribs were broken and there was little external damage, her side was bruised all to hell. Each time she managed to drag in a breath, fire shot up and through her lungs, the pain lessened a bit by the bindings; Hange said this would help with adding another protective layer over this sensitive part of her body. Now, the question would be if the pain subsides enough by the time the next expedition is announced.

Ida looks up at Erwin, his face unreadable as he stares down at her. His eyes have a glint to them, similar to earlier during their initial return. She can never know what exactly goes through his head, no one could, but Ida knew something wasn’t quite right with the older man before her. One of her hands reached out to trace the still-visible cut above his brow, taking in the grime still marring his skin along with splatters of red. Today alone could make any leader crumble under pressure. Many died, original plans that were in the works are now stalled, and it seemed as though these plans wouldn’t be developed until after extensive rebuilding of the corps’ interior units. But Ida can’t fathom how Erwin has been bearing this burden for years. “You didn’t answer my question, Erwin. Did you know they were going to pull something like this?”

Erwin didn’t respond for a moment, choosing instead to sip at his tea before speaking. “Those three were notorious in the Underground for their skill with ODM gear, and while I know they are dangerous, I received word from… a reliable source, what their real motives are here. A man by the name if Lovof has been making deals to siphon funding from the Survey Corps budget to the Military Police. I’ve been blocking their proposals and voting against a decrease in our budget – this has caused some, internal conflict.” An internal conflict? Did that mean that there were people in the military connected to this plan? Levi and the others were just pawns?

“Erwin, just how many people are involved?”

“Right now? I have no clue – after talking with Pixis, the only details that may be confirmed are the involvement with Lovof and the connections this has to those three. Their skills could be utilized for the cause, while also keeping them in check. I have had my suspicions, yes, but it takes more than a switchblade and a bad attitude to kill me.” Ida chooses not to respond to Erwin’s last comment. So, Levi and the other two weren’t just your average Underground criminals – they seemingly had connections (one way or another) to someone with leverage in the Military Police, were apart of assassination plot, and for what? What were they able to get in return? The pieces weren’t adding up – why was Lovof seeking help from outside the rankings? Was he trying to cover his tracks. Ida couldn’t make sense of it all, and she knew she wouldn’t tonight.

“Here,” Ida takes Erwin’s tea from his hands and nudges his shoulders. “Go sit down. You’ve been too worried about everyone else that you don’t even get cleaned up yourself. Filthy bastard.” This elicits a small chuckle to leave the tall man’s throat.

Erwin’s heavy footsteps fill the room while Ida takes the tea, sitting both cups on an end table by the door and quickly entering the small bathroom attached to Erwin’s study. She draws water into a small bucket, grabbing a rag and anesthetic to clean the cut. Entering the main quarters once more, the commander situated at his desk once more, though this time his shoulders are drawn tight and hands folded in front of him. Ida slowly walks over to stand in between his legs and staring down at him.

“Lean back for me,” Ida whispers. Erwin does so with no hesitation.

“I’m going to talk and you’re going to listen. No interruptions, got it?” Erwin’s lips quirk up at the ends. Ida takes this as a yes. “I’m not sure anyone knows what you’re up to with allowing those three to be here. You drug them from the Underground and brought them here for a reason, and don’t give me that bullshit excuse that they were just “too talented” with their gear. You know something I don’t, whether that be a tip from a rat in Lovof’s ring or something else entirely. You’ve always had a plan.” Ida lightly dunks the rag in the bucket of warm water, wringing it out before dragging the piece of material along the contours of the man’s face. She cradles his chin in one hand, tilting his head to face her. Blue eyes just as striking as the day they met, face pinched in a way that alludes constant stress, scars that littered his jawline; he was the same yet so different. This man before Ida was not the same young school boy she remembers – this was Erwin Smith, 13th Commander of the Survey Corps. She continues to wipe away the expedition’s grime and filth from his face and neck, careful to swipe in delicate strokes once getting to the cut. Once finished, Ida dabs a small amount of anesthetic to the wound. She decides a bandage wouldn’t be necessary; the blood had made it seem worse than what it really was. Ida draws in a small breath.

“Your actions may seem unorthodox to some, even myself, but you know by now I trust you. Where you go I follow, that’s what I told you in the academy,” Ida murmurs. Erwin’s hand reaches to grasp at Ida’s resting on his face. His fingers graze hers, intertwining and clutching desperately. Ida imagines the feeling of being able to touch warm flesh, an indication of life, any gesture to show that he wasn’t left alone. “Which is why I’m offering and extending my services to you – let me watch over them.” Erwin’s eyes snapped up. A low sound of protest spilled into the air between them.

“I could never ask that of you—”

“You aren’t asking. I’m offering, as a squad leader,” Ida insists. Her other hand reaches up to cup the sides of the commander’s face. “If you’re going to keep them in our ranks, I have to be here to protect you, that’s the deal. Dying by the hands of a man such as him…. If there’s anything I can do to keep them in line, god dammit Erwin I’m going to do it.” Her words are strained, a bit forced and Ida knew that Erwin could hear the lilt of emotion edging itself on every word. While she hadn’t planned on getting as emotional tonight, given her current situation, the events of today were finally taking their toll. First the expedition was an utter failure, then her squad – the kids she swore to protect – were plucked from her grasp with little warning. She clung to William for a sign of hope, only to hear a possible plot to assassinate the one person who has been there for her through years of fighting and losing and failing every single fucking time. There was no slowing down the cycle that Ida has found herself in. Devoting her life to a cause that only seems to break down and destroy the remnants of her humanity. It tore at her, ripped her apart from the inside and made her sick.

“I hope you know that losing you isn’t an option for me. Whether it be a man or a titan I don’t care – Erwin Smith, you better not leave me here.”

Erwin surged forward at those words, dropping Ida’s hands and instead wrapping his arms around her. Ida didn’t shed tears, body too tired to process how she exactly felt, but a fire started deep within her chest. Head nestled on Erwin’s chest, hair splayed out and ribs eliciting a dull ache, she never felt so alive. She hoped Erwin understood her, what she really meant and what the weight her words carried. They weren’t words she threw around freely. But by the way the arms around her tightened, the soft strokes of fingertips along the small of her back, Ida had a feeling Erwin knew. It wouldn’t be addressed, wouldn’t be elaborated on, but it was out in the air.

“Levi and the others… Ida, I just have this feeling,” Erwin speaks softly into her hair. “There’s a spark there, a refreshing glimmer of hope of humanity I can just _see_ it. The determination, the diligence – this is what we’ve been looking for, god, for ages. Morale is decreasing, the questioning of our cause only being ignited by those in the Garrison and the Military Police. Humanity is giving up, succumbing to a bitter reality but, with people like them, we can change. We can all change.”

“They aren’t fighting for humanity, Erwin. They’re fighting for themselves. It’s kill or be killed, and they’ll choose each other over our cause if it meant they lived.”

“I’ll help them see – _you’ll_ help them see – that humanity is worth every sacrifice we’ve ever had to make. You’ve always told me that when you make a decision, you must first come to show no regret for that decision. Ida,” Erwin pulls away, eyes now shining brighter than just a few moments ago. They were blazing, fueled with something Ida couldn’t place. “Ida, I have no regrets.” Ida realizes what was in Erwin’s eyes in that moment: hope, returning again in those blue eyes. She never thought she would see that look in his eyes again.


End file.
